The Juggler vs. The Balancer

Balance. Such an interesting word.

As a single mom of three, “imbalance” fits my daily life way better. I picture myself as a juggler in the middle of a circus ring. Hundreds of people staring at me as I toss balls and batons into the air. Just when I think I’ve found my rhythm, the circus master throws me another ball to see if I can handle it. And the chaos becomes overwhelming.

September 22, 2025 was the fall equinox. The day that symbolizes equality between day and night. This was also the day we kicked off Libra season, and I started thinking about balance. Libra is depicted as a balanced scale and encourages us to bring equilibrium and harmony to all areas of our lives. But the joke is on us, because we are never fully balanced. Balance is an experience that we feel for a moment, and then it passes through us. Balance is a temporary state. No one is ever fully balanced in mind, body or spirit.

So I reflected inward and really asked myself where I could feel the imbalance in my body. And I realized it was rooted in my relationship with myself and my animals. Specifically, through my horses Blue and Martini.

These animals could not be more different. Different riding styles, different personalities, different aesthetics. But on the deepest level, they’re the same. They have me as their common thread, the one connecting them to their new home.

Since settling into Blue Fox Farm, my rhythm with my soulmate horse Blue has been back and better than ever. And this tipped the scale. Martini and I, a duo that was once so in sync, has shifted to a feeling of disconnection and chaos.

Here’s the thing about horses: like humans, they require connection and physical touch to form a bond with their rider. Between my three children, the start of a new school year, and a large farm renovation, I had limited time to ride each day. I fell into choosing Blue because he gave me the consistency and security I needed during this insanely busy time.

The irony? Martini’s official show name is “Choose Martini.” Yet I was not choosing him.

Martini began displaying boredom. On the rare occasions when I did ride him, it felt completely fractured and chaotic. Riding Martini started to become something I dreaded instead of something I dreamed about. Other people at the barn jumped at the opportunity to ride him and really seemed to enjoy him, the way I used to.

So what shifted? I did.

I tipped my scale and became completely imbalanced. Although the farm and animals seemed settled in their new home at Blue Fox, I had not. Just when I thought I would give Martini to a different rider and essentially “move on,” I realized something. This was the perfect opportunity for me to begin balancing myself in my new home at Blue Fox Farm.

Balance isn’t only about “being balanced.” It’s about the way the two horse’s bridles hang to create that balance within me. Like balancing a scale, I have to shift and adapt. And in return, I hope to receive the harmony I crave.

This week, my priority is to recreate the balance and harmony between my two horses and myself. To reestablish our rhythm.

Stay tuned as I move from the juggler, which is so connected to chaos for me, to the balancer. The version of me existing in peace and flow.