I Didn't Find Myself In The Ashes. I Found Myself In The Barn.
Among horses, dogs, spirit guides, sacred medicine, and a grief so profound it stripped away everything that wasn't true.
A Memoir of Transformation
Sometimes the life that breaks us open is the life that finally brings us home.
Lauren Rae had built a life many people dream of. She was a respected veterinary neurosurgeon, a devoted wife, and the loving mother of three children.
Then everything changed.
Within a short span of time, Lauren lost both her unborn child and her husband. The life she had carefully built collapsed beneath her feet, leaving her standing in a grief so profound she could barely recognize herself.
In the aftermath, the things that once defined success—professional achievement, material beauty, and the life she had been taught to want—no longer held the same meaning. What remained was a question she could no longer avoid:
What does life ask of us after everything falls apart?
Lauren’s search for healing leads her down unexpected paths—from the wisdom of mentors to the transformative insights of plant medicine. Along the way, she discovers an abandoned horse farm—Blue Fox Farm—that becomes both refuge and teacher.
As she restores the land, she begins restoring something within herself. Listening to animals, to nature, and to the quiet intelligence of her own body, Lauren slowly unravels the beliefs that once defined her life.
What emerges is not a return to who she was—but an awakening to who she was always meant to be. Part spiritual journey, part story of grief and renewal, this powerful memoir is an invitation to anyone who has ever wondered how to begin again. Because sometimes the path forward is not about fixing what is broken—but about remembering who you are beneath the pieces.
THIS ISN’T A STORY OF BOUNCING BACk
It’s the story of being brought to my knees, covered in the soil of sorrow, and choosing to rise with beauty in hand.
So many grief stories end at survival, but mine began there. Mama Farmette was born from the quiet courage it takes to rise, day after day, when it feels like your world has crumbled.
What you’ll find here isn’t filtered or polished, it’s real. It’s sacred and messy. But it’s always meaningful. Think ongoing field notes from a woman rebuilding her life.
Welcome to Mama Farmette
A sanctuary born not from perfection, but from the ashes of profound loss.
I’m Lauren Rae, former veterinary neurosurgeon turned mother, widow, and mystic. After the devastating loss of my soulmate Marc, I found myself shattered, trying to heal wounds and raise three small children. I wasn’t just trying to rebuild a life. I need to rebuild myself.
At Mama Farmette you’ll find:
Unfiltered stories of transformation and grief that laid me bare, along with the unexpected places where healing took root.
What began as my work to heal animals became an invitation to be healed by them. They’ve become messengers of deep, ancient wisdom.
The quiet power of land and how restoring Blue Fox Farm, a bruised, abandoned horse farm, became the foundation of my own resurrection.
Plant medicine as a sacred teacher that illuminates truths buried deep in your bones.
If these stories feel familiar, come walk beside me awhile. The conversation continues long after the page ends. There is more waiting beyond these words.
It’s Not a Return to the Woman I Was.
It’s the becoming of someone new. Rooted, reverent, and real.
Your Next Chapter Starts Here
Some stories are written in journals. Mine was written in hoofprints, wildflowers, grief, and spirit whispers.
What began as private reflections in a broken barn has bloomed into my new book. Part memoir, part guidebook, part love letter to anyone healing their way home.
Your Starting Point for Radical Self-Love, Resilience, and Wonder
For the ones mourning a spouse, child, beloved pet, or simply seeking a deeper connection to self and spirit, Mama Farmette offers inspiration and tools to lead you back to wholeness. You don't have to walk this path alone. Come find your people. There is room for your story here, too. If you're still searching, you're already among friends.