Home is where the heart is
I used to find this phrase super cheesy, but the more I think about it the more truth I can see in it. Places hold memories. Certain smells, sounds, and sites of a place can take us back to a time when that felt right to us. Weather it be an office, the ocean, the athletic field, or the grocery story, being in a familiar place reminds of us the identity we had at that time in our lives.
As we go through life, sometimes we decide or we are forced to leave a place. It is in those times that a part of our identity is left behind and we are presented with the opportunity to elevate. This is essentially a loss, or a death of a part of us that once was. So how does one grieve when we cannot go back to a physical space that held the memory of who you were during that incarnation of your soul?
When I walked out of the high paced animal hospital that I had worked in for over ten years for the last time, I felt completely lost. I left my career as a practicing veterinary neurosurgeon, and I walked away from an identity that I had cultivated for over thirty-years of my life. Veterinary medicine had been at the core of my being and formed who I was as a person since I was five years old. I no longer woke up in the morning having to figure out the surgery schedule for the day or how many new appointments I had to see before picking my children up from school. Weekend time that was consumed by reading the latest journal articles and catching up on medical records shifted to a large amount of free time to spend cultivating relationships with my children. So even though it seemed like a part of my identity died when I walked way, it is now clear to me that it was a much needed rebirth into the next incarnation of my soul journey, that as the universal mother to my children, my farm and my animals.
When we are in a physical place, we take on the attributes and the energy of who was there. Working in a high paced emergency animal hospital, I was bombarded with stress, emotions of every variety, and pressure beyond comprehension. Naturally, my soul learned that in order to become successful in this particular place, I would have to shift into high gear and be perfect every step of every day. As we evolve as humans, the places we were once tied to and the identity’s that we once had also need to shift and change. For many, me included, it can be hard for the mind to shift to a new life movie even if your soul and your heart crave transformation. This is Ego sneaking in…trying to keep you small. But what is beautiful, is the moment you realize this and push through it.
I now see my old identity as a doctor as an eclipse of the Lauren I once was. We have so many identities and so many lifetimes to explore, that I no longer feel so deeply attached to places or who I was at that time. I am grateful for the person I was and excited for the person that I am becoming.
I now spend my days tending to my farm, Blue Fox, and her animals. She is calm, confident, and collected and she embodies beauty, joy and community; all of which are becoming part of my new identity. When I feel into the energy of her past, present and her future I can see the many identities she had along the way. In her present incarnation, she feels like home to me. The reason for this is clear because I finally feel at home inside of myself. So I suppose home really is where the heart is….the heart is inside of each and every one of us and it beats for our highest good.
With love from the farm, Lauren 💚
