Muscle Memory of the Soul: How I learned to un-train my neurosurgery brain

I am sure most of you have heard of muscle memory. It is the ability of body to replicate a movement without conscious thought based on doing the motion many times before. Did you also now that the brain is one of the largest muscles in the body?

I have spent most of my life in my head. My brain has catalogued unfathomable amounts of repetitive thoughts and stories that can be called into action at any time. It is interesting to see how in certain situations my brain can pull out a repetitive thought pattern and completely hijack my heart centered living.

This week I have experienced a block in my creative flow. Creativity for me manifests through my writing which comes from my heart, not from my brain. I found this particularly interesting as it is Cancer season and my north node, or my life’s purpose is in Cancer. So this is my creative time to shine! What was going on…

Picture this: I’m sitting in front of a computer trying to write and nothing is happening. My sympathetic nervous system and my brain immediately ignites reaction mode and starts to recreate patterns through its muscle memory. When I was practicing as a veterinary neurosurgeon, everything was intense, busy, and financial profit driven. I was literally a Porsche with no breaks (thanks Sia!); zero to 60 in 3 seconds. My soul called upon that muscle memory this week as I was trying to muscle through the creativity block. I thought locking myself in an office and resorting to academic production mode was the answer. Ultimate crash and burn. I produced a piece that was disconnected it read like stereo instructions. Control. Apple. Delete. STAT.

So what did I do? I took a pause and decided to go out and LIVE. I have a beautiful farm that is begging for attention. She needs so much tenderness, love and care. I filled my car with painting materials and my dog James and off we went. My barn family and I spent our entire day painting the tack room, aisles, and the barn door. We seeded the pony field and received bedding and grain deliveries. We prepared Blue Fox to receive her new family this weekend. The amount of love present today was so palpable my heart was exploding with joy. And my creative channel was again clear.

Here is the beautiful lesson in all of this, for me when I am fully present and tapped in, I can channel spirit and all the beautiful messages that are meant for me to share with the world. Sure we could have hired painters, but that is the definition of disconnection and would have further blocked my channel. When I get outside and live a connected live, in nature the rewards are bountiful.

This week was a huge exercise in decondition of my 43-year-old brain that has been trained to do nothing but create an amazing product quickly and efficiently. When I create something, whether it be a farm, a business, a relationship or a piece of writing, you should know that it was channeled from a place of love and has a soul. The creative process and its flow is where I have decided to focus my energy now. Before there was such a structure to how things needed to be done; now I am all about experiencing the romance and the pleasure of the creative process. No matter how long it takes. In my brief time as the steward (I don’t like the term “owner”) of Blue Fox Farm, she has shown me how to slow down. Farm life is slow on purpose. It is meant to be enjoyed. There is such beauty in watching things blossom and come together.

Three years ago, when Marc passed, I vowed to never be robbed of time again. It’s the one thing you can never get back. I can now see I need to channel my writing and creativity where the energy is. Right now, I am feeling my heart is in the integration of Blue Fox Farm and her little sister…Blue Fox Veterinary Wellness. These two beauties are what I want to capture in this moment.

So what is the secret to de-conditioning a structured, extremely strong brain? For me, it meant beginning to embrace my soulful self, capture my divine creativity and stop shaming myself at the same time I am learning myself. The key for me is living a connected life.

Thanks for being here with me on this journey.

If this resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. Hit reply and tell me what's on your mind - I read every message.

And if you know someone who might need to hear this, feel free to share it with them. Sometimes we all need a reminder that we're not alone in this.

Until next time, Lauren Rae 💚

P.S. Follow along on Instagram @mamafarmette for daily glimpses into life at the farm.